My twenty-first birthday just passed and I spent it with my roommate, Grace, because she has become my best friend. So we're back to the present now. Surprise, surprise, this apartment actually feels like a home. It took a lot of work to get here, but college living doesn't have to suck. It really does come down to what you make it. So yeah, I failed a lot during my first two years of college. I let people walk all over me and I let my social anxiety get the best of me. There so many more situations where this type of thing happened to me, but I'm not trying to write a novel here. What I'm really trying to say here can be best summed up by a couple of things:

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• First, if I had been less judgmental, I probably would have been able to find TONS of good people on the Housing Services website.

• Second, if I hadn't been so afraid of confrontation I could have addressed and potentially saved myself from a lot of the bullshit I had to deal with during those first two years.

• Third, if I would have communicated some of my beefs with my other roommates, then I could definitely have prevented future problems with them instead of allowing them to persist.

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I was a big part of my own problem. No one is a perfect roommate (although, my current roommate says I come pretty close), so it's important to recognize that we all bring annoying habits to the table. I'm sure it was a little disheartening that my freshman year roommates always tried to include me in their parties and I always turned them down. I'm sure my sophomore year roommates would have toned things down if I had just asked them, instead of frequently resorting to maintenance. I finally learned my lesson though. My current roommate and I get along great: yes, she is a tomboy and she is a gamer chick, but she lets me dress her, do her makeup, and she has done face masks with me, which is somehow way more satisfying.

       And yes, she has her annoying habits: boning activities still  happen here, but not on the couch! She knows that I'm a light sleeper and she always tells me when her boyfriend is coming over. 18 -20 year-old me would be so shocked to learn that communication is capable of solving problems. Grace even managed to encourage me to drop my abusive boyfriend and was there to support me through the entire ordeal. She also does dishes, doesn't wax the genitals of strangers, doesn't throw parties, and showers. It's great. She's not perfect (although she comes pretty damn close), but you can't expect anyone to be. And that's what a big part of my problem was. I was holding people to unfair high standards. After all, it wasn't just my home. I really think that if I had been more open-minded, I would have loved my first-year experience. Probably, not the second year, but maybe (most likely) the first. Yes, there were parties (communication could have fixed this) but there were also three girls who did their best to help me be more social. They stalked me on my first dates and even tried to make me feel better when my first boyfriend ghosted me. They ordered me a heart-shaped pizza when my (almost) boyfriend ghosted me out of the blue and serenaded me with *N Sync songs. This was my first (and only) noise complaint, but it was totally worth it. I killed that rendition of “Tearin’ Up My Heart.” These same roomies (2/4) brought me food from Bar Louie anytime they went because I wasn't old enough to drink. And then, when my first boyfriend (officially this time) came back into my life, the roomies all had a talk with him and then continued to be supportive of me while attempting to DJ our dates. I'm still unable to listen to “All My Life” by K-Ci and JoJo. It was, and still is, kinda great. When it comes down to it, this was just a big adjustment period for me and that's really all that college is. So there comes a point where you learn to take the good with the bad and you grow up a bit and learn to stop expecting so much from others. I'd like to think I've reached that point, which brings me back to my current roommate:

       So yes, she is a blessing. She got me to drop The Shithead and that's what instigated this whole thing. When I dropped him and started respecting myself enough to realize that the verbal, psychological, and physical abuse weren't okay, I started to become okay with establishing boundaries in other parts of my life - including my apartment. So I have boundaries now! I get along with my roommate (enough to where she invited me over for Thanksgiving break, where I even got her grandma's seal of approval). Just this past week, we watched The Princess Diaries together and had boozy hot chocolate. In the spirit of Christmas, we also decorated the apartment, complete with a Christmas tree. So I did get to fulfill my dream, but it took effort on my part to get there. It's hard at first (I know SO MANY people who hated their freshman year) but it's really just a matter of getting to know yourself, what works for you, and having realistic expectations and boundaries for others. I finally have a roommate that checks off all of my boxes, but it took me a bit to figure out what those boxes were. So, the takeaway of this all is to be more open-minded but be practical in the process. Good luck :)

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