My friends left me for various countries. In her attempts to humble me, and in order to restore some balance in the world, the universe gave me the worst possible roommates imaginable in the Spring. I ended up subleasing an apartment from another student who had abruptly decided to leave for France in the Winter. That should have been a red flag. One of many. Also, that the apartment was located RIGHT next to some train tracks. I don’t think I ever got a full night’s sleep there. Thankfully, I had dropped my boyfriend, and got a new, hotter boyfriend. Epitome of eye-candy right there. Up until Valentine’s Day, I spent the majority of my time at my boyfriend’s. He had a studio apartment and better snacks than me. No roommates and no train nearby. Being the sometimes-smart girl I am, I chose to spend more time there because who wouldn’t want to bask in the glory of eye-candy, peaceful sleep, and snacks? Priorities. Then he dumped me over the phone (he called me less than ten minutes later, begging for me to take him back because he ‘didn’t feel as relieved’ as he thought he was going to. Rude) and that was the end of things. I turned to Tinder again, at the exact same time my parents hired a private investigator to stalk me (I have impeccable timing), only to have to delete it. So, I was out of options and I was stuck in my apartment, where I quickly learned a few things about my roommates.

        I think I’m pretty Liberal, like most Michigan students. My roommates were a different type of Liberal. I’m a pro-Civil Rights, pro-Liberal policies type of Liberal, not a Vegan, conservationist type. So, it should come as no surprise that my roommates and I did not see eye-to-eye on most things. To preface, I am a reasonable person. I pick up after myself, I shower, I do dishes, I clean messes I make, and I try to be as quiet as possible in case anyone is sleeping or studying. My roommates did none of this. Well not quite none, but I can count on one hand how many times all my roommates showered during that semester. I definitely appreciated the low water bill (low bills are always welcomed when your parents have cut you off), but I made up for that in Febreze and Bath and Body Works candle sales. Tough times. The couch smelled like bootyhole (so did the rest of the living room) because I had exhibitionists for roommates again (even men's cologne couldn't mask the stank) so I stopped leaving my room. Not the healthiest of coping mechanisms. The thing was, my roommates and I all had classes at the same time. So when there was no boyfriend in the picture anymore, the five of us were all in the apartment together. Not ideal. The walls were thin, so again, I heard all boyfriend activities, but I could also hear whenever the shower was running. THERE WERE THREE TIMES DURING THE ENTIRE SEMESTER WHERE I HEARD THE SHOWER RUNNING. I shower everyday. People sweat in their sleep, people drool in their sleep (painting a lovely picture of myself in your head, I know), oily hair, and all that good stuff. Showering is a great thing. It's nice to be clean. I don’t quite see why you would deprive yourself of that kind of thing, but they chose to. It wasn’t that bad in February, until they started going to the gym (really, really bad when it started getting warmer outside too). There were no showers in our complex’s gym. They’d just come home and never start up the shower. I did hear them wash their hair in the sink a few times, but never the rest of themselves. So, being the generous person I am, I took it upon myself to invest in many of the products that were helpful during the IBS-era. Outdoor incense? Did nothing. Body odor is a different type of stench that this stuff was not qualified for. Febreze? Worked really great until I slipped on the floor and sprained my toe from sliding into the counter because I didn’t realize it made the floor wet when sprayed in large amounts. Bath and Body Works' candles? Great until the roommates put the flames out because they were afraid of leaving them on at night. The smell would just come right back in the mornings. Wax melters? Also great, but not ideal for the electricity bill. A combination of all four? Great, but expensive and tiring. Being locked away in my room and only leaving when absolutely necessary? Priceless.

            So, my roommates smelled bad. They had other bad habits, but this one really got in the way of having people over. Never in my life, would I have imagined ever having to ask people to hold their breath in my apartment as they made their way towards my room. The unwashed dishes in the sink didn’t help either. Neither did my roommates going at it with their also shower-free hippy boyfriends on the couch. In April, my roommate’s boyfriend was over and said the unforgettable. He said our apartment smelled nice.  I can assure you that it most definitely did not. I have numerous people to back that claim up. Rotting trash, piled up dishes, and stinky people left the place smelling like a landfill. It was too cold to open the windows up, so I was stuck suffocating slowly until the semester ended. I wholeheartedly believe that I lost brain cells because of them, hence why I got back together with my first boyfriend that semester. I quickly learned why the first girl left for France. I left reminders for people to do the dishes and to take the trash out (the chute was literally a thirty-foot walk) and nothing happened. I didn’t speak up, in part because I didn’t want to be within that kind of sniffing distance from my roommates, and nothing changed. Sometimes things are just out of your control and you do have to lie down and take it, despite your best efforts. Communication could have solved the dishes and the trash part, at the very least. Bad memories can make great stories, or, at the very least, great conversation. At the very least, I never run out stories to make people laugh these days.